(It's just a random story I wrote, I don't even remember when)

My dad brought me my mom, my 4 brothers and 2 sisters to work in a city. That was the time when I took initiative of making mistakes; I started to set up some dreams in my life without consulting with my adults, my first mistake was the time when I started to dream about getting education higher than 5^th grade and unfortunately this dream came true. At the age of 11 when I started working in the bungalow right in front of my home (we lived on a plot where we made our shelter, a literate person would call it illegal territory). The lady I worked for was very nice with me, all of her daughters were married, her husband and son were in Bahrain and she lived all alone in that luxurious bungalow. She fixed the deal with my mom on a very good amount of money and I was in charge of her humungous home where I was supposed to do cleaning, washing, cooking and dusting. Once while I was dusting I found her reading a book and unintentionally I said the title out loud “Wuthering Heights”.

House owner: (While sitting up straight) I didn’t know that you can read. Did you ever attend any school?

Me: Yes, ma’am I did till 5^th grade.

House owner: I never knew about that. Do you like to study?

Me: Yes, ma’am I wish I could go to school and make my fortune. (I said while cleaning a vase with a cloth)

House owner: Would you like to go to school?

Me: Yes ma’am I would like to, but my parents can’t afford it.

House owner: (Now taking of her spectacles) I’ll pay for you and I’ll get all of your uniform and books.

Me: (In mind) what? Am I dreaming? No, I should say no, it would cost her a lot. (Now out loud) “Ma’am that would cost you a lot.”

House owner: Oh no that’s fine for me, I won’t mind paying for someone’s education it would be a jihad for me.

Me: I just don’t know how to thank you for this I would appreciate if tonight while you’ll escort me to my home if you could talk with my parents.

House owner: Sure I will.

Night never seemed to come that day I was excited like anything I just couldn’t wait to put my hands on my books and memorize them, I started to plan that I’ll be the best student in my school so that I’ll get money for my college. After waiting a whole lot night finally arrived I went to my home with my house keeper.

House keeper: (After entering in my home) Mr. and Mrs. Ghulam, Misha told me that she would like to go to school.

Mumma: We can’t afford! (She snapped) And “Baap bara na beta, sab se bara rupaiya”

House keeper: I knew this and so I am more than happy to pay her school fee and all of her school expenses.

Mumma: Umm. We need to talk about this.

Dad: Talk about what Shahista? We should thank her for paying for our child, if Misha would study and she would teach our other kids too and Allah would be happy with us.

Mumma: Allah would be happy anyways she got education till 5^th grade, think of all the villagers, what would they say? Sending a girl all alone to the school, think about it.

Dad: We don’t live in village any more and Misha will go to school and this is my final decision!

House keeper: You’ll be happy one day for this. I’ll get her school accessories tomorrow and from this Monday you’ll join school Misha.

Me: Thank you so much Begum Sahiba! I …

Mumma: What about her work? We can’t afford her to sit at home and fill crap in her mind rather than earning some money. (She said bitterly)

House keeper: Oh well, she would work at my home and I’ll help her with her home work I’ll just keep one more maid so that Misha won’t have to that much and don’t worry her pay would be same. (She explained politely)

Dad: We are grateful of you, Shahista what are you staring at? Go and bring some cold for Begum Sahiba …

House Keeper: Oh no, thank you so much, I’ll leave, see you tomorrow Misha.

I was over-whelmed by the thought of going to school and couldn’t wait till Monday and get my hands and brains into books. I proved my self as a good student and remained active in my job too so that Begum sahiba would be willing to pay for my school. Time passed within a blink of an eye and soon I was in 10^th grade when Begum Sahiba informed me that her husband and son were coming from Bahrain. I got busy in cleaning already clean house and helped her in setting his son’s room. She gave me list of her son’s favorite food asked me to practice them well and I followed all of her requests happily. Soon it was the time for arrival of her son and husband and time to say good bye for me to my school life. I was satisfied for getting education till 10^th grade and enabling my siblings to at least read a newspaper.

I was reading an English magazine in Begum Sahiba’s kitchen when I heard people laughing in living room. I grabbed my duppatta and covered my head knowing that her husband and son were in home. I heated up the meal as told by begum sahiba and arranged every thing on dinning table.

Me: Begum Sahiba, I have served meal on table.

Begum Sahiba: Misha, meet Mazhar my husband and Ali my son.

Me: Salaam. (Setting my duppatta perfectly on my head)

Mazhar: Salaam. Blessings on you.

I smiled and all of them smiled back, I looked at Ali’s face he was handsome.

I ate my meal in kitchen and waited for them to get done with their meal while I ate and made plans for next day, since now I didn’t had school any more so Begum Sahiba kept me back for whole day job. I cleaned dinning room after they were done and headed towards door where I usually waited for begum sahiba to escort me to my home.

Begum Sahiba: Ali, son would you please escort Misha to home from now on, please.

Ali: Sure, no problem. If Misha won’t mind.

Me: No, it’s fine. Thanks!

Than, we headed towards main door.

Ali: Misha is a pretty name. (He said while folding his arms)

Me: Thanks.

Ali: Who kept this name?

Me: Umm. I don’t know.

Ali: Ask you parents. (Now smiling)

Me: Ok.

Ali: And than tell me tomorrow.

Me: Ok.

Ali: Good Bye! Good night!

Me: Ok. (This was the first time a guy was polite with me I had never met any guy who spoke this softly with me and above all appreciated me ….)

Mumma: Who was that guy? (She ripped my thoughts with her bitter tone)

Me: He is Ali, Begum Sahiba’s son and from now on he’ll escort me.

Mumma: Oh it’s good; boys in this street are not fine any more.

I handed her the food I used to bring from Begum Sahiba’s home, they never used to eat any food twice and so she had asked me to take any food I want because it was better than throwing.

In morning while I packed my lunch for my dad I asked him.

Me: Dad, who kept my name and what does it means?

Dad: Misha … your granny did, and it means “Resemblance of God”.

Me: Your lunch is on your bicycle. Have a good day!

After packing lunch for my brothers and dusting home I headed towards my work. Before I had even knocked on door Ali opened it for me with a crooked smile on his face, I ignored smile on his face, covered my head perfectly with duppatta and headed towards kitchen and begun with my usual chore, cooking. I told begum sahiba after I served lunch on table, while I did their laundry. As soon as they were done eating I started clearing table while I was doing that, eventually Ali started collecting plates and dishes and headed towards kitchen.

Me: Thanks for doing it but I can do it alone.

Ali: I am not doing your work it’s just my way to say thank you for such a delicious meal.

Me: Oh! You’re … I’ll do rest … thanks …. No …. Well come …!

That was all I could blabber while he smiled at me. His smiled made me nervous I didn’t know why was he doing that with ME? I mean my own male relatives never smiled at me why was he? And what was I for him? A maid? Yes, that what I was. Any ways may be I am just taking it in other way he’s grown up abroad definitely he would be broad minded. With these thoughts I was done with all the cleaning and started making dinner. This time I waited for all of them to get away from table so that I didn’t have to get hypnotized with some ones smile and unusual help. After I was done with my work I waited on the usual place for someone to escort me home.

Ali: I am sorry; did I make you wait long? Let’s go.

Me: It’s Ok. Thanks.

It was quite cold outside and wind was quite chilly.

Me: Ummm …. You asked me to find out meaning of my name …

Ali: I’ve a name; I would appreciate if you would call me with my name. Ali.

What? I can’t take a male’s name. Certainly not. He is …. He ripped my thoughts.

Ali: I don’t think my name is that difficult Misha.

Me: No... It’s like I can’t take your name … I mean …

Ali: Oh common Misha.

No, friends take each others name and I am just his maid. What in the world is he upon?

Ali: See you tomorrow, good night.

Me: Umm …

Ali: Practice saying some thing else besides “Umm” please. And he smiled his crooked smile.

I rushed inside home kept the food in fridge in buried my self on my pillow in his thoughts. What in the world was he upon? Or why does it concern me? I mean he lived in abroad he was grown up there so it definitely made sense that he was this frank and polite and smiled at girls even to his maid. Didn’t it make him nice? Isn’t he the kind of guy I always asked to God in my prayers? But than … he’s literate and rich whereas I am his maid. These thoughts battled in my mind for the rest of the night and I couldn’t sleep. I did my usual chores of morning and headed towards work. Begum Sahiba had left a note for me in kitchen which mentioned that they won’t be at home for lunch but will come for dinner. I started cleaning home and watered plants, prepared dinner and than started reading magazine in living room. I was half way done through magazine when I heard

Ali: I didn’t know you could read.

Me: Yeah, I have done matriculation.

Ali: That’s impressive. (He smiled)

Me: Thanks. (I smiled back)

Ali: Are you willing to tell me meaning of your name? (Now, he smiled with mischievousness in his eyes)

Me: Yeah, it means resemblance of God. My granny liked this name.

Ali: Sure you are.

Me: Sorry, what am I?

He kept on staring at me. It wasn’t making me uncomfortable I wanted to stare back at him but I just couldn’t, but I wanted to, I wanted to answer back all the questions he had in his eyes but wall of society came in my mind and I knew I didn’t had any confidence to face it. I had to leave when I heard Begum Sahiba calling me to serve dinner; I don’t know why I was perplexed towards Ali I wished if he would come again and help me in clearing table just so that I could look at his perfect face again with his smile which was most comfortable smile I had ever experienced.

After they were done eating I sprinted to clear the table wishing to see him. I knew out come of all this won’t be satisfying but I couldn’t help my self. He was there. He seemed like he was waiting for me too. We talked without speaking, understanding every unspoken word. After I was done with my work I headed towards main door. He was standing there calmly smiling. We started walking. I kept on wondering that how did all of a sudden silence became comfortable with him.

Me: Good night, Ali.

Ali: I am glad you said my name, rapid progress huh, good night, sweet dreams.

Me: (That means I’ll be watching him in my dreams) See you tomorrow.

I slept peacefully that night.

Now, I couldn’t wait to go for work but I had to do all of my usual chores.

Soon I was in their kitchen making lunch for them and Begum Sahiba told me to prepare custard for dessert tonight. After I was done with cleaning I started to boil milk for dessert. I had no clue why was I staring on the plates he had touched this afternoon, after a while I heard milk falling down pot and …

Ali: Stop! Don’t!

He touched my hands and saved them from picking up milk pot which was on flames even though I hadn’t touched the pot but my skin under his skin was all boiling and my brain froze I was stunned, I couldn’t move, my body felt like it touched a cold stone, every single nerve in my body had acid in them.

Ali: Misha, are you Ok? … Misha? … Misha?

*Beat*

Ali: What were you up to honey? It was just some milk, what would have happened of it burned your hands? (Sorrow in his voice)

And my tears said ALL I wanted to say.

*Beat*

Ali: So why didn’t you go to college? I guess financial problem?

Me: Yes, I badly wanted to.

Ali: You can still continue, once we get to Bahrain.

Me: Hmmm, that doesn’t make much sense.

Ali: Oh. I don’t think. That I ever mentioned. That. I love you.

I was completely numb. But I struggled to say.

Me: What?

Ali: C’mon it’s not hard for a matriculated girl to understand 3 simple words. *Beat* I know it’s a lame joke.

Me: (That made me laugh anyways.) I understood that part, but, I mean it’s me Misha here, are you sure you aren’t mistaking?

*Beat*

I know I’m not making sense.

Ali: (With a grin on his face) so what do you think about that?

Me: I “can’t” think about that ... and it’s better if you stop thinking that too, because that wont leads you any where good and I would end up in trouble.

Ali: My, my, girl I meant what I just said. I said I love you and I mean it, trust me. I’ll be your shield sweet heart.

Tears streamed down my eyes.

Me: Ali, please don’t do that. (And than I turned to go inside home)

Ali: Think about that over-night, please.

How could I even think about falling on love with a guy? I mean how in the world he can forget about all the differences we have, class difference, society, and education … an endless list. No ways, this can ever happen, never, never ever.

With tears in my eyes all these thoughts I laid down to get some sleep.

In morning before leaving for work I looked and mirror and imagined him standing right beside me, we both looked good together, I guess. I felt my blood streaming towards my face, making it all red.

Lost in (his) thoughts I went for work. I felt different working while I worked there. Every corner I used to clean seemed to bring me internal satisfaction. I felt like as if I’m owner of this home and I would run all around the home as if I were a new bride blushing with all the pride. And that was the biggest mistake I ever did in my life. I started to enjoy the feeling of love. I made a mistake to feel, it was my fault that I didn’t stopped my feelings and I just allowed them to fly freely.

Two weeks was the time in which “I” lived my life, and than Ali had to leave for Bahrain.

Ali: So, I talked with my parents and they would come to your home tonight with a proposal for our engagement.

Me: What? You kidding me right? I mean what did you mom said? And your dad? What about … that I’m just a maid? And …

Ali: Sshhh …. You talk a lot, but on a wrong time, he said teasingly.

Me: But …

Ali: Again?! (He smiled) It was hard to convince them but not impossible.

Me: You sure?

He kissed my forehead and I got my answer.

It was intense, really intense when his parents came at my home. Needless to mention about the ungratefulness my parents showed towards them. It was decided that me and Ali would get engaged within two days since he had to leave for Bahrain. Definitely my parents couldn’t afford a thing so his parents made all the arrangements for the ceremony. I don’t remember how I looked that night as a bride but I do remember what Ali said “You shouldn’t have done that!” My eyes asked “What?”, “Seduce all the guys and resent all the girls here”. I rolled my eyes.

He left me with a promise and I trusted him that he would come back and take me away forever.

I didn’t work there anymore but I still used to go there to help my mother in law. Exactly after 2days of my engagement Ali left and right after 4 days ….

Right after 4days my parents ordered me to marry this random guy who was not only a drug dealer but also an uneducated and horrible person. I didn’t even know him.

And later I found out that I wasn’t marrying him I was getting sold.

Me: I just want to remind you guys that I’m engaged! And I won’t let you guys do anything with me. Mind it! It’s MY life and I’ve total right to live the way I want it.

Mom: I knew you would say that I knew there would be a day when you would tell us what to do and what not. The day you continued school made it clear to me that you would think … that you know more than us, but you don’t! And we are your parents and we are the ones to make your decisions NOT you.

Me: Why do you want to sell me? It’s not decent.

Mom: Right, what you did was quite decent, right? A love affair with a total random guy. How decent!

Me: Are you sure, you’re my mom? I tried to speak but my voice wasn’t supporting me.

Mom: Now, you don’t even respect us! I don’t want to hear anymore and just to let you know tonight Bakhtawar (The horrible guy) would come to pick you up. He likes you, he looked at you on your engagement and so he’s a handsome amount of money. And besides once you’ll spend a night with him, you’ll know ….. Hmmm …. Good old days with his dad.

I was staggered. My mind was totally b-l-a-n-k.

I don’t know at what time I was picked up from my home and I ended up at that home (Brothel).

I have no memories of that night, and I don’t regret it.

I remember him cursing on me later in morning “Can’t believe I paid for this dead body, no girl ever gives ME this response” and he left me, but others kept on coming and had their chance and “each” one of them left while cursing on me and finally I was reserved for the job of maid since I was not leaving a good impression on customers.

Days passed, months passed and years passed and I found out that it’s not just me it was business of my so called parents to sell daughters. I did heard about Ali, that he did came back within two weeks, tried to find me but my parents never told him a thing. I heard he cried like crazy roamed all around the city to find me and returned back to where he belonged.

That was the moment I realized that this is what I was supposed to do, spend my days grooming myself and spend my nights as a whore. Why in the world I didn’t realized that getting educated, using brains, falling in love were the things i didn’t had right to do. I was never “allowed” to do that. My responsibilities were to earn for my family till I grew up and than to sale my virginity. I just didn’t had a “right” to dream.